Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Frying Pan Post - Susanna, January 19, 2011

Just before we took a break for the holidays, we invited Linda Rabin into the studio to witness our work. This was so illuminating! Just getting used to grappling with the unknown in front of someone who's opinion we respect is humbling and a cue that we need to do more of it in preparation.

But the thing that has really stayed with me was her insight into our approach. It's really true that at a certain point, all the tools you practice really are only tools. Without leaving space for the chemistry to ignite between us, it remains an exercise, and actually from the inside, the holding on to those tools makes it deadly.

Listening... really listening to Sarah. Entering right into the cells of what she's offering. Acknowledging our inherent energetic differences and traveling fully together from the vibration that is essentially hers to mine and back. It's an incredibly volatile and exhilarating roller-coaster ride. Our first first couple of encounters with this new tack were hypnotic, almost drug-like.

Of course today the drug started to wear off a bit... to be expected. Can't hold on to even that. And some of our accumulated struggles and questions resurfaced. And now some new ones as well. For instance, I seem now to be having an aversion to any of the language-sharing play that had become a staple in our work. And what is this new experience of "dropped" (our term for reducing the intensity and being more "normal" - just Susanna and Sarah meeting)? It seems intangible, especially in those moments when I fall off the wave.

That old familiar friend and wrench-thrower, second-guessing.

I think that's all I have to say for now to start.
But, seeing as this blog is beginning far into the conversation, I'll just list a couple of points that have come up over the last few months.

Maybe Sarah or I will have more to say on these:

- the essential difference between composing and improvising - I've changed my view-point on this considerably through this process. I used to be someone who called improvising "instant composition". I am no longer of that mind now through this experience. An essential element of composing is the outside view and editing from that outside view. Taking that outside view within an improvisation is antithetical to the act of improvising. And this also relates to how we witness improvisation. I'll say more on all this later.

- being "dropped" vs. being "extreme" or "performative"

- how much of a score is necessary? what makes this performance a qualifiable entity when it is never the same?

10-4 till soon,


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